In Your Eyes
by Zerofoxie
Summary: [Cloti/CxT] Cloud reflects on past events one evening. Tifa denies his words after he tells her his thoughts on a startling matter...Exactly what happened back in the Nibelheim Reactor?


"In Your Eyes"  
By Cynthia Hall   
Written 03.31.01  
  
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"But what am I supposed to do with myself?!" Tifa asked, fighting back the tears that stung her eyes.   
  
"How am I supposed to know," Cloud replied indifferently. "I have always been on my own. I live however I please, and make a living by fighting for whoever hires me. But now, even I have nowhere to go. The fighting is over. My life is...unnecessary. Perhaps I'll just work over at the Golden Saucer in the Battle Arena. Dio may pay me well, especially considering the reputation I now have for being the one who killed Sephiroth and saved the world."   
  
"Is money ALL you care about? Sometimes, Cloud, I don't even think you're listening to a word I say to you! I asked you a simple question!!" Tifa took a deep breath, and gathered her thoughts so as to say them with greater meaning than before. "7th Heaven is long gone. I have to find a new way to make a living! I was hoping to share that future with you, but you just blew me off!!" She felt her face grow warm after her last comment, but she continued. It was already out in the open. It was pointless for her to stop now. "Ever since we were children I had feelings for you, but you were too obsessed with the thrill of the fight to even stop and listen to me! Every moment I spent with you, you just went on about your dream of joining SOLDIER! And now, look at you! I'm STILL trying to get my feelings across to you, and you're STILL going on about battling. Oh, Cloud...how can I make you see?"   
  
Tifa looked into the emptiness of Cloud's eyes. They were very light, almost glowing, because of the Mako treatments he received in SOLDIER. Cloud blinked blankly at her as if he was baffled by what she had just said to him. Never in his life had he thought about something other than fighting. Perhaps because he was merely one of Hojo's experiments. Maybe Hojo was correct: Cloud was just another failed project, even though he was the most successful failure at becoming a Sephiroth clone. Sephiroth...Maybe it was because of this that Cloud had no feelings of compassion. Sephiroth had been heartless and evil. Then, what did that make Cloud?   
  
Many thoughts went through Cloud's mind. He felt the piercing gaze of Tifa's eyes on him when he turned away from her. The person he wanted to hurt least was Tifa, and yet he had hurt her the most in his life. He had grown up with her in Nibelheim, and then left when he came of age to join SOLDIER. Or did he? He always wondered about the picture Sephiroth had shown him. It was not Cloud that had come back to Nibelheim with SOLDIER, it was some guy named Zach. And Sephiroth had also said Cloud was given Zach's memories when he was...'created'...to give the illusion of having an actual life. What if what Sephiroth was right, that his memories with Tifa were all a lie? But...why would Tifa remember him from Nibelheim, then? She was never with SOLDIER. Of course, if his memories served him right...   
  
"...Tifa..."   
  
Tifa continued to glare at Cloud as he turned to face her. "What?"   
  
"What happened...in that reactor in Nibelheim...after Sephiroth stabbed you? Can you remember?"   
  
"No. I blacked out. I was told they found me three days later in the reactor, and that I was unconscious for a week after that. Appearantly Shin-ra hadn't cared about me, so they left me there. They cared more about picking up the body of Sephiroth after he burned down Nibelheim. When they found you alive in that reactor, I guess they took you back to headquarters to keep you alive. Maybe they wanted to question you, or reward you for killing Sephiroth by helping you recover."   
  
"Hmmm..." Cloud was, once again, deep in thought.   
  
Tifa wasn't surprised that he had changed the subject, but was very startled that the topic was now about her. Cloud *had* listened to her! But...why this? "Why do you ask? That was so long ago..."   
  
There was no reply.   
  
"CLOUD! Answer me...PLEASE!"   
  
"Tifa...." he looked up at her sympathetically.   
  
"........"   
  
"Shin-ra knew about Sephiroth that same day. They came to the reactor, and picked up Zach's body, along with the body of Sephiroth. And maybe you as well."   
  
Tifa blinked. "Me...as well? and Zach's body? Cloud, that's silly--"   
  
"No. They took you three to Shin-ra. They destroyed the body of Sephiroth. Zach was dying, so they put his memories into me. He died before they could finish, so my memories were incomplete. Shin-ra then altered *your* memories to make you think Zach was me. Afterwards, they planted you in the reconstructed Nibelheim, which was finished a little over a week later. They threw me out on the streets after they believed I was a 'failed project', having shown no response in the lab. I somehow survived, and believed that I quit SOLDIER because my memories were incomplete..."   
  
"Stop this..." Tifa pleaded. "I helped you find your memories, remember? I was there! in the Lifestream!! We found the truth, together! have you forgotten?! YOU are who I grew up with! YOU are who I watched the stars with!!"   
  
"No...if we share the same lie, then..." Cloud trailed off. His head throbbed from thinking. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees.   
  
Tifa could no longer hold back her tears. "It's not true!! Stop lying to yourself!! Why can't you just accept the truth?!" Cloud shot her a stunned look. "I know my memories are REAL! I don't HAVE to question them! CLOUD!! Just listen to your heart! It will tell you the truth!" She put her face in her hands and wept. "Stop...doing this to me..."   
  
Cloud shivered. The sight of Tifa's tears always made him feel miserable, but this time it was different. He had caused her tears, all because of some silly notion that he couldn't prove to be accurate. Maybe he was a monster, another heartless Sephiroth. No -- he couldn't let that happen. Even if his whole life was a lie, it was better to believe it than to think of it only as a lie.   
  
Tifa continued to cry. As she sobbed, her hair fell over her hands. The dampness of saltwater tears caused the strands to cling slightly.   
  
Cloud, noticing this, reached out to her and brushed back the strands. Tifa pulled away when she felt him, and continued to cry.   
  
Why had she turned away? This was obviously what she had wanted from him. She had already asked if he loved her...but...he foolishly replied that he didn't want her to get involved in his life. He really meant that he didn't want her to get hurt by his carefree lifestyle, but it came out all wrong. And then he topped it off by saying her memories were fallaciously incorrect...   
  
Now it was obvious why Tifa didn't want to feel his touch: he had earned her hatred.   
  
"...Tifa.."   
  
She looked up and faced him for a moment to shriek, "LEAVE ME BE!!" She turned back and cried harder into her hands.   
  
Cloud did not expect that response, nor did her expect to see her look that way. Tifa's eyes were red from her tears, her cheeks inundated with the same liquid. He looked out at the ruins of Midgar, scanning the skies for something, anything that would help him think of a way to help reverse his horrible behavior towards her.   
  
The sky remained silent. It seemed to laugh at him as the setting sun hid behind a few sparse clouds. Only Tifa's occasional audible sob was heard, and perhaps the call of a lone bird off in the distance. He remembered her words, telling him to search his heart for the answer...   
  
Cloud's gaze settled once again upon Tifa, her skin dark from the dim rays of the rapidly dying sunlight. He reached out to touch her hair once more just to have some form of contact with her, no matter how crude it seemed. He didn't want to be shut out any more. Perhaps his feeling of sadness and rejection was what Tifa had felt for all those years...   
  
His hand reached her hair. Tifa swatted his hand away from her, then stood up to leave their place on the hill. Cloud caught her hand and tried to pull her back down next to him, but she tore her hand out of his grasp and let out a slight groan. She began to walk away from Cloud rather quickly. He couldn't just sit there while she left him, to let her walk out of his life like that. He jumped up and ran to her, wraping his arms around her shoulders.   
  
"CLOUD!! Let me GO!!" Tifa yelled and thrashed about to try to be free of his arms, but to no avail.   
  
"I can't do it, Tifa. I can't let you go," Cloud spoke.   
  
"You don't even care about me, so WHY won't you let me leave!! I HATE you!!" Tifa exclaimed angerly.   
  
"Don't say that...Don't hate me...please..."   
  
Tifa continued to writhe. "Let me go! I need to leave!!"   
  
"...Tifa...Tell me...you don't hate me..." Cloud pleaded. He didn't know what he was doing, or what his next move was. All he knew was that the one person he cared about hated him...and was leaving him.   
  
"FINE!! I DON'T hate you!! Now LET ME GO!!!" Tifa turned around in his arms and tried to pry herself away from him, but Cloud's grip was firm. She looked up into his eyes and pleaded with him, "Please, Clou--!"   
  
Tears were falling from his eyes. His typically bright eyes were dark and glittering. Had she finally penetrated the coldness of his heart? Did he really care about her?   
  
"...Cloud..." Tifa glanced away from his eyes, feeling slightly ashamed for her behavior. She whispered, "...I'm sorry."   
  
"Don't be.." Cloud replied. "You did nothing wrong. I was the one who screwed up. Can you forgive me?"   
  
Tifa didn't reply. She simply put her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest.   
  
Cloud, finally having found happiness, smiled.   
  
  
  
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Yay!! I FINALLY wrote a fic that people will understand!! Bweee!! XD XD I hope I put enough info in there so those who aren't very familliar with Final Fantasy VII understand it well...then...who the heck needs to know anything to like this? It's so screwed up, and yet so touching T.TV A classic!! =D Let me know if there are any errors or anything...I'll fix 'em. This took about two (three?) hours, and was written in an attempt to allieviate boredom pains =P I think it worked XD   
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